Quote of the day:

learn it from you?"

Matt shrugged, gulping down the last of his milk. When he finished, he replied, "You should ask Jonathan when he gets back. I'm sure he knows more than I do."

"How come?" Zack queried as one of the school's most popular cheerleaders came to a halt behind him. All other eyes came to rest on the agitated girl who stood with her hands on her hips. Finally, Zack got the idea that someone was standing behind him, and after one glance at her, he quickly scooted to a chair out of the line of fire.

"Matt!" Niki snapped, his name sounding odd coming from her without any affectionate cooing tagged onto it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He blinked, honestly confused. "Tell you what?"

Question of the day: How come every task in my life as the capacity to loom overhead like a giant, black monolith that manages to scrape the moon on each rotation of the world?

Ted's question #x^2: How come you stayed home for only two minutes today and didn't even take the time to give me a scratch behind the ears?

Reeses progress report:
Hmm.... This tells you how old this template is; Reeses is done, but for a few modifications I may eventually make when a particular Caleb deems it exciting enough to finish reading... :( What a diss to have someone take so long to read your stories! I guess I should really work on that; Caleb's not the only one. I have about two, maybe three avid readers, because of my slow updates. *sniff* The least people could do is read it when it's done! I still have a whopping total of 45 reviews on all my finished stories--put together! I have 78 on The Announcement, and it's nowhere near finished. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have 78 reviews, but when you know people who average at least 80 on most all of their stories, it's rather... humbling... which is probably a good thing; it wouldn't kill me to learn how to be humble. It wouldn't kill me to learn how to keep busy during school, either. It wouldn't kill them to learn how to teach me enough to keep me busy but not overwhelmed. Heh! And they call them Honors classes! The classes are so pitiful, they're doing us a dishonor by calling them that! Humph. Maybe I should just take online classes or something. Or better, Nash goes to a very challenging school. I think I'd do well there if I started devoting time to actual studying. All I want to do is read and write and help people and improve my relationship with God. Is that so much to ask? I don't care about math. Math and chem and history are useless games in the mockery they call an educational facility. If I end up going nowhere in my life, I'm officially blaming it on my "alma mater". I have a feeling I'd be much better off being self-taught, but I have no ultimate goal, no ultimate end motivating me to advance beyond the level required of me. As I said, all I want to do can be summed up in four things. Firstly, I am more than capable of reading on my own. So long as I make time for it, I can do it. *blushes* Especially when considering that a friend gave me a book this morning before first period and I finished it a few hours ago. (Yay Tamora Pierce!) Secondly, I am quite motivated to write...fiction. I love exploring the various plots and opportunities offered by managing one's own invisible world. I love the interactions you can explore and the creativity you can weave in...and randomness! Thirdly, I want to help people. I don't know why. I don't know how. I do know a few of the ways I don't want to help people if I can avoid it, but if anyone needs me to do anything, just say something. If no one else is gonna do it, I will. And fourthly and most importantly, I want to improve my relationship with God. It's possible, but it helps a lot if you can manage to clear your mind. *sigh* And that's incredibly hard when people are constantly telling you what you need to do, what's coming up, what you need to pay attention to. I hate all the stresses that people have put in my life.
Beth, learn how to drive.
Beth, study for your finals.
Beth, get an A in math.
Beth, memorize formulas.
Beth, read this book.
Beth, work on your summer AP work.
Beth, write an essay.
Beth, update the next chapter of The Announcement.
Beth, write the next chapter of some story you don't care about anymore; someone likes the possibility of the romance you're never going to get around to.
Beth, help with some chores.
Beth, get a job.
Beth, take care of the dogs.
Beth, read your Bible.
Beth, plan your summer.
Beth, mediate between your parents.
Beth, help J. and L. out with their stresses.
Beth, go to youth group.
Beth, help with the fundraisers.
Beth, show your friends what you've learned about life, the universe, and everything important, despite the ever-so-visible fact that they're never going to listen to you or even care.
Beth, control your emotions and don't flip out on everyone.
Beth, learn everything about the universe.
Beth, learn everything people have made up about the universe.
Beth, floss your teeth.
Beth, wash your face.
Beth, meticulously clean your teeth.
Beth, put this on your face.
Beth, try some make-up.
Beth, get a boyfriend. (Totally unnecessary, by the way!)
Beth, clean your room.
Beth, clean your stuff from all the other rooms in two houses.
Beth, don't be hypocritical.

Can't I ever just sit around learn slower, more detailed, so that I won't forget? Can't I ever learn anything more meaningful than how many moles are in 22.4 L of a gas at STP? Can't I ever be my own person and stop worrying about the world around me? Can I quit school now? Can it be over? I'm doing nothing worthwhile, and it's all stressing me out. The people are petty and the teachers are poor.

Don't say science ruins the awe one feels for God when seeing His creation! Don't say explanations of how and why ruin His miracles! It doesn't have to; it is one's choice to allow it to do so.

Scientific explanations can further feed that awe and wonder. There are 114 or so elements

Half day... Ten minutes until the bell rings and I can go to my locker before leaving for an entire half of a day. So I'm bored. No thanks to the school firewall, I can't check my e-mail here. When i looked this morning, there was an e-mail to a thing for Alpha. Oh, yeah, didn't mention that, did I? I got accepted to go to a science fiction writer's workshop!!!! Yay!!! I get to go learn how to write well! They've deemed that one of the worse stories I've ever written was good enough that I should come converse with those who write often!

I just needed to get on today because I feel horrible and alone and everything. No body listens to what I have to say except for my parents, and it really ticks me off. Only the people who are forced to live with me and make peace with me actually value what I have to say, and that makes me feel like a piece of smashed cow dung.

Everyone at lunch (not everyone, but Lisa and Jena, yes) unload all their problems on me, and I'm tired of it. They never listen to what I have to say or what's bothering me or what I'm excited about, and it really hurts that neither of them can take my feelings into account. I admit that they both need help and need companionship, but does it all have to come from me?

Backtrack for a moment. Since February, my spiritual life has really taken off. I'm now trying to live the most God-centered life I can. Seriously. And it's been awesome living every day for the gift it is. It's just wonderful.

But I guess I started today wrong or something. I didn't look at the world and the day as a gift. So got I got to school and Lisa yelled at me for not taking me headphones off. I never take my headphones off until someone's talking. She wasn't talking, so I wanted to keep listening to Switchfoot, which is kind of my encouragement, since I can't get any from my "friend" (aka aquaintances). I got to lunch four periods later, and she started complaining about how throwing a ball back and forth yesterday messed up her arms. So I did the logical thing: I suggested she go to the nurse to take some ibuprofin. (Jena responds with the obvious fact that half the school isn't allowed to take ibuprofin.) I ask her to look at the bright side of things, as I often do, and she says she's depressed. Now, Lisa isn't really the kind of person who's manic depressive or anything. Some people think ADD is a made up "disorder" and after my experience with my faith life, I'm starting to have the same outlook on depression. (Jena's got an excuse, as far as I'm concerned.) But Lisa thinks everything's wrong with her. "Oh, I have a mild social disorder. Seriously!" Just because she's uncomfortable around people! Maybe she just hasn't done it enough to get used to that. Did she ever consider that?

So I made that suggestion, and Jena broke in with "shut up." I recognized that I was being rather donkey-ish, so I tried.

But it bothers me. This is another instance of no one listening to me. I've been trying to talk about these things that really matter to me to Lisa, but she just writes it off as another shallow outlit of myself. She thinks I'm only about scifi and rebellion and that I'm just plain shallow, that nothing I say matters. (In all fairness, I kinda think the same about her.)

How did I end up where I am? How am I stuck in the midst of a world where no one save two or three care about me? Why can no one consider that I'm onto something? Why do I have to bow to everyone's wishes and do what they want me to do? Why can't I change the world? Why am I confined to the limited and lonely sphere where I am? Is it because of my age? Am I too young to be worth anything? Am I too pacifistic to get anyone's attention? Am I too quiet? Do I follow too many of the rules?