It's official. Vista boots faster than Win 2000. My cell phone boots faster than Vista. But ME boots faster than my cell phone. Yay ME.

Chryson, Jadzia, these I admire to some degree, yet I feel as though I'm more like Ezri. Why? Chryson respects no one; Jadzia is nearly faithless. Both of these fundamentally contradict my beliefs.

But Ezri is mild, timid. Her lack of confidence prevents her from accomplishing what she's capable of. The unweighted words of others weigh heavily on her, pushing her to the breaking point with the slightest tap. Isn't that how I am? The slightest thing goes wrong, and I want to cry. I have no idea what I'm capable of, because I don't really think I can do it. I don't believe I'm any different from anyone else, and when I do, I'm no longer the same.

That must be what I admire in Jadzia. She's bold, even into arrogance, but she can be told to back down. She can listen to others' advice. She lives loudly, in perfect control of herself and enlightened to the ways in which others give her power. I could be like that. I have been like that. I don't know if I should be like that. I'm not bold.

But I am stubborn.

From where I am now, accounting for where I was, I'm as likely to become Ezri as I am Chryson. I could be the shy one, sitting back and listening, hanging around, sitting in. Withdrawn, insecure, empowered but lacking the will to use it. Or I could be the one sitting in the middle, trading stories with all the misfits and the in's, gliding from circle to circle and shining in them all. Bold, arrogant, confident, inspiring, admired.

The hardest part of knowing I can be either is believing that neither is better.

At last, behold the wonders of my skills. After studying for physics, I took my old note sheet and expanded it to five note sheets, only to compress it to two note sheets, all with the same information. Behold: I am organized! And I will have multiple copies to take with me in case anything happens. Now if only I could procure a calculator I'm allowed to use...

To bed with me, then, and to practice the exam come morning... later morning. Behold: it has yet to reach midnight, yet still I get me toward bed! What new wonders might I see, if already both college students in this room reach bed ere midnight?

Once again, I find myself feeling like the image of a college student. Dressed in my church clothes, wearing my cheap, green flip-flops to avoid rubbing the new blisters on my toes, I struggle to open the door to my quad. Tucked under one arm are three physics test, a clipboard, three different physics textbooks, and a tin of homemade cookies. In my other hand, a cold can of Dr. Pepper. Yup, I'm a college student.

Now to check my grades from the past two finals...

In chem: A. Otherwise, I couldn't have missed the final.
In math: A. 92% on the final, enough to keep the A I barely managed. Whew.
Statics isn't posted.

I wrote my first legend today. I was thinking about it all last night. This is how the Gertewet began. I'm quite proud of myself. What do you think?