Chryson, Jadzia, these I admire to some degree, yet I feel as though I'm more like Ezri. Why? Chryson respects no one; Jadzia is nearly faithless. Both of these fundamentally contradict my beliefs.

But Ezri is mild, timid. Her lack of confidence prevents her from accomplishing what she's capable of. The unweighted words of others weigh heavily on her, pushing her to the breaking point with the slightest tap. Isn't that how I am? The slightest thing goes wrong, and I want to cry. I have no idea what I'm capable of, because I don't really think I can do it. I don't believe I'm any different from anyone else, and when I do, I'm no longer the same.

That must be what I admire in Jadzia. She's bold, even into arrogance, but she can be told to back down. She can listen to others' advice. She lives loudly, in perfect control of herself and enlightened to the ways in which others give her power. I could be like that. I have been like that. I don't know if I should be like that. I'm not bold.

But I am stubborn.

From where I am now, accounting for where I was, I'm as likely to become Ezri as I am Chryson. I could be the shy one, sitting back and listening, hanging around, sitting in. Withdrawn, insecure, empowered but lacking the will to use it. Or I could be the one sitting in the middle, trading stories with all the misfits and the in's, gliding from circle to circle and shining in them all. Bold, arrogant, confident, inspiring, admired.

The hardest part of knowing I can be either is believing that neither is better.