Life in 18

Need caffiene.
The world is slowing
but rushing to catch up with itself.
I finished it all,
all but the tie
and the skirt.
All well.
So much for benevolence,
but I did more than my part...
I think.
I'll try to do better, though
with the few supplies
stashed away in my locker,
the one sweater crumpled away
for months,
languishing in the top of the tall, thin,
supermodel
locker.
Let me know when I awake;
I'll want to talk to myself,
inform me of where I am,
what I should be doing,
and what I should have done.
Let me know when I awake;
I'll want to tell me to get to work,
to focus on something for a change,
something with debatable
interest and importance
but that which they've said
holds the key
to all the future
happiness and livelihood.
But I already have
joy and life
if only I could
slow this life
enough to appreciate it.
I know it's there
it's available
and I need to reach it
and I need to reach it soon,
for the good of all mankind,
or at least the parts of it
who know me
and for the good of me;
my best interest is letting go,
diving in,
surrendering completely,
sacrificing my hollow autonomy
to the Sovereign One,
the only Sovereign One
who can truely exist
without another's breath.
How lonely.
I'm glad I don't have to.
I can't.
I'd suffocate in every aspect.
Life without love
without trees, without hope, without beauty.
Without innocence, even naivete.
Cold.
But that's not the way it is.
Even with the failures
the uncertainties
the pain and the stress,
even with others' shortcomings.
That's the beauty of it.
You compensate for them,
and they'll compensate for you,
'cause that's the way we're designed:
not always perfect on our own
but perfect together,
protecting,
trusting,
hoping,
persevering.