Unless I think of you as highly as I think of Pete Shannahan, please don't read the following. (Don't flatter yourself.)


"Dear" Deutsche Baka und Beranmee:

First of all, Jesus Christ is NOT a swear word, you illiterate idiots! Your mere presence is more insulting than any of the messages on the CHRISTIAN t-shirts I wear. If you spent half the energy you spend repeating "devil worshipper" on putting forth the effort to actually read my shirts, you'd have noticed that I've been wearing Christian shirts to school for the past two weeks, four of which actually has the two aforementioned words printed on them, the remainder with Bible verses. But you're too busy trying to think up pitiful names to call a particular introvert to put forth that gigantic effort and chance for humiliation to actually read. I'd be willing to bet that the only reason you could read my shirt today was because you've seen Jesus Christ written somewhere, used as a swear word. If you ever listened (I know, a novel concept.) you might have noticed that I have never once used the Lord's name in vain. And I shan't.

Bet it was a big shock to you when I flipped out in class instead of holding back and turning the other cheek. You just took one too many steps. Keep it up and I promise I'll be making a nice stop in at the guidance office or wherever I need to go to get you to shut your Texas-sized mouth(s). I'm tired of having to put up with your verbal persecution (get out a dictionary for that one). I'm tired of it. Yeah, sure, so I walked into a signpost one day during a false fire alarm. Yes, it was funny... for the first hour, maybe two days. I laughed, too. But, come on? AFTER TWO OR THREE MONTHS, IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

And "devil worshipper"? What in the world do you call that? I mean, you have got to be kidding me! If that's so, then answer me these:
1) Why is there a crèche in my locker?
2) Why is there a Bible in my locker?
3) Why have I been wearing Christian shirts to school for the past two weeks solid and intermittently before that?
4) Why have I been wearing a cross necklace to school for the past 2 weeks solid and intermittently before that?
5) Why have I bothered to put up with your crap for so long?
6) Why did I attend the thirty-hour famine, a Christian event, last weekend and raise $135 for it?
7) Why do I attend church every Sunday, as I've done for my whole life?
8) Why do I attend church camp every year?
9) Why is there a +1 (Christian rock group) CD in my CD player, as well as ApologetiX, top 30 Christian hits, and Newsboys CDs in my World Vision (Christian charity) CD case?
10) Why did I give up soda for Lent?
11) Why do I annually attend Creation (week-long Christian rock concert) during summer?
12) Why am I writing a Christian Stargate fanfic?
13) Why are so many Christian-related ideas mentioned and discussed in my fanfics?
That is the most bogus accusation I have ever heard in my life. Give it up, beranmee!

If you think you're so wonderful that you have this devil-granted right to annoy me to my wits' end, you must be perfect, right? It must be so enlightening to be perfect. Now, I'm just curious--I want to make sure my torturers are, of course, perfect, so will you please TRY WALKING ON WATER? I'll understand if you can't do it; it just means you aren't perfect and, therefore, have no right or reason to continue harassing me.

Sincerely,
B.

(And, yes, you may address me as B from now on. I won't take offense unless it is used in conjunction with some other derogatory term which I have not agreed to prior to your use of said term.)

From the aforementioned +1 CD:
You must have never fallen short
Always doing the right thing
Cause if you ain't so perfect
Then don't throw another stone at me