Also for Mara Jade's bad day:

Father, Where Art Thou VI

Jack lay on a comfortable old tan couch in his apartment, drinking his new beverage of choice, Dr. Pepper, and waiting patiently for once for the six o’clock episode of the Simpsons to begin. Just before the credits of the 5:30 episode started, his doorbell rang.

He quickly glanced around the many empty soda cans gathered on a plain black coffee table then decided that anyone who might visit him would know him well enough to excuse that mess. As he heaved himself off the couch, he once again thanked Loki that he didn’t have to bother with knee problems for another—what was it—twenty-seven years.

He cracked open the white door to his apartment to find the senselessly smiling face of Zack. Not particularly thrilled by this visitor, he leaned against the doorjamb, half expecting the sophomore to propose some under the table deal with the NID… or the Geeks for Peace Corps.

“Hi, Jonathan!” he chirped. When Jack didn’t answer, he explained, the absurd smile sliding from his face, “You always seemed so lonely, I thought I’d drop by and keep you company.

Jack nodded; the surprise visit had about as much appeal to him as the Tok’ra dropping by to ask for recruits for suicide missions. “I see.” After a few moments of Zack’s Jonas-like puppy-dog eyes, he added, “Fine. C’mon in.” He held the door open as the boy scooted into the place, where the nerd proceeded to observe every once of detail contained in the apartment, the walls of which appeared to be devoted to astronomy and family photos of people Zack didn’t recognize.

Jack slammed the door, pseudo-wincing at the sound, and headed back to the couch, where he took note that the first commercial break had already commenced.

Zack pointed to a picture of O’Neill, Sarah, and Charlie. “Who are they?” he questioned, extremely curious as to the true identity of this mystery man.

Jack took one look at where Zack stood and which frame he pointed to, unable to bear the actual photo, and grumbled, “Family.”

The geek looked closer. “Is that you?”

“No,” the colonel answered; he wasn’t Charlie, and even if the kid actually pointed to him, which was unlikely, he couldn’t answer yes. He glared toward the sanctuary of the television, which betrayed him, still airing only commercials.

Zack noted his newfound friend’s reaction and moved on to another framed photo, this one of SG-1 right before the big anti-Anubis campaign, when both Jonas and Daniel were at the SGC. “Who are they?”

“Some old friends.”

“How do you know them?” Zack wondered, suddenly noticing an odd similarity between the tall, gray-haired man in the center and the teenager on the couch.

“Oh, you know,” Jack answered, desperately trying to keep any bitterness out of his voice, “they’re my dad’s friends. He’s the guy in the middle.” He still belonged on that team, or at the SGC at least. He could still pilot an F-302 or glider better than anyone on Earth—except maybe his older self and Teal’c; he could still operate a P-90, zat, or staff weapon with great proficiency; and he could still lead a team off-world, granted that they knew to follow his orders. No matter what Loki might have done, he knew that he was still Colonel Jack O’Neill.

As the commercial break ended and he saw some evening news report begin, Jack leapt off the couch, furious. “You can’t just have news on instead of the Simpsons!”

Curious about this sudden outburst of rage from his normally subdued and reasonable classmate, Zack came to stand beside the couch, attention on the TV.

As Jack watched, the screen displayed a navy podium in front of a navy curtain and the White House seal. Four people stood behind the podium, arranged in such a way that they would be seen while the president spoke. Two men were obviously some government officials, cabinet members maybe, but the other two… The one on the far right wore obviously Tok’ra garb, the same kind of outfit Jacob wore when dropping by for a visit. Jack recognized the last man in long, green robes; he had seen him somewhere, but he couldn’t recall how he knew him. He watched the two for a minute, saw how the man in robes interacted with the Tok’ra. Finally, he realized that he had met him right after he was suspected to be a za’tarc. The man on the news was the Tok’ra Supreme Councilor! “Oh, for crying out—”

“Jonathan!” Zack whined, shaking him. “Are you okay?” Jack looked up at the kid, wondering what was wrong. “Did you hear me?”

“No, what?” The geek had spoken?

“I asked you what you think the president is going to talk about,” he explained, “but you didn’t hear me.”

“Well, it’s obvious he’s going to talk about—” Jack cut himself off. He couldn’t exactly tell Zack before he himself was supposed to hear about it the first time. “Whatever country the guy in the green is from,” he finished.

The scifi fan nodded, no longer as suspicious. “What about the guy with the kilt?”

“Well, it’s obvious he serves the guy in robes.”

“Think they’re from Scotland?”

Jack stared at him. “Scotland?” Tok’ra from Scotland… Now there was an idea for fan fiction… “Don’t think so.”

The two settled down as the president walked on. He glanced down at the papers on the podium then up again at the camera. “For the past fifty years, there have been millions of reports of UFO sightings as well as plenty of media broadcasts that present any manner of theories about visitors from other planets.”

The president’s pause was just enough for Jack to snap. He again stood up from the couch and waved his hands wildly in the air. “They’re coming out with it and didn’t bother to tell me?” he yelled, frustrated that no one had told him they were going to make the Stargate public knowledge.

“Jonathan, sit down; I can’t hear,” begged Zack. The colonel complied and, extraordinarily miffed, dropped back onto the sofa.

“—that has since visited Earth a number of times,” the president continued. “Myths about extraterrestrials have long since gotten out of hand, and I think it’s about time that the citizens of the United States of America be told the truth. And why should they not hear it from a Tok’ra himself?” The white-haired president then relinquished the podium to the older, black-haired Tok’ra.

“I am Supreme Councilor Per’sus,” he began, his Goa’uld-like voice sending shivers down Jack’s spine and reminding the colonel of when they first met the Tok’ra, “and I wish to thank the United States for the opportunity to allow me to come and speak to you. Over the past few years, we have had a friendship that has allowed us to acquired many supplies that are scarce on our planet.” He turned his head toward the president, but continued to speak into the microphones. “I look forward to a continuation of our partnership and friendship.”

After a couple seconds of watching the people disperse, a blue screen came up with the words, “Now back to your regularly scheduled program.” Jack cut the power for the TV just as a yellow cartoon face appeared.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Zack asked, “What was that when you stood up and yelled?”

Jack stared at him. “You just found out aliens exist and the first thing you ask is about something I did?”

“He said that aliens exist?” Jack would have dropped his jaw to the floor if he hadn’t seen stranger things. The sophomore’s eyes widened. “That man’s voice… It was…”

“Weird? Odd? Creepy?” the colonel supplied. “Not exactly what you want to meet in the middle of a desert with weapons aimed at you? I know.”

“But…” He studied the strange teenager again. “But you don’t seem to care.”

Jack looked around the room, pretending to make sure no one else was listening. “I was abducted by aliens,” he confessed, actually telling the truth, “about six months ago. I already know all about them.”

The geek’s eyes widened even more, though Jack had though it impossible. “Tell me!”

“They made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone. Not one soul. My dog doesn’t even know about it.”

“You don’t have a dog.”

“Fine.” My wife doesn’t even know about it. “My parents don’t even know about it.”

“Yeah,” replied Zack, “where are your parents?”

“Um… They both work at night, sleep during the day. They met at a Dracula convention.”