Oh, before I forget....

(Stargate parody scene from one of the season 7 episodes...)

Jonas is chained (figuratively speaking; he's kind of anchored) to a table, obviously a great place for torture. Anubis enters in all his ghostly evilness.

ANUBIS: You will tell me all your plans for destroying my mothership.

JONAS: Too late. We've already begun to blow it up! You'll never be able to annoy anyone else again!

ANUBIS: Don't be so certain. (And what are you laughing about anyway? You're on the ship that's about to be blown up, too!) Now tell me all your knowledge of Kelowna and naquadria.

JONAS: I'll never tell you!

ANUBIS (holds up expander): Don't be so certain; I have my ways. I will have that information from you whether you intend to tell me or not. (Calls in your local orthodonist.)

JONAS (looks up into the misty form of Anubis, right about where his eyes would be if he was still human): NO! Even you Goa'uld are supposed to be nicer than this!

ORTHODONIST: Didn't you know that he got demoted from his rank of System Lord, because he did such unspeakable things as this? (New subject) Now, this may hurt a little bit, but you won't need any painkillers or anything.

JONAS (resigning himself to his doom): Can I get zatted first?

ORTHODONIST: NO! THAT WOULD RUIN ALL OF MY EVIL PLANS THAT ANUBIS HAS GIVEN TO ME!

*thirty minutes later, ANUBIS returns*

ANUBIS: You will now tell me all that you know of naquadria.

JONAS: Never.

ANUBIS (holds up scary looking remote control that's shaped like a molar): If you are so adamant about your decision, I will change your mind. (Pushes scary-looking button on molar-shaped control. Jonas suddenly feels expander expanding, causing pressure in his nose and a decidedly unplesant splitting-feeling in the roof of his mouth)

JONAS: Okay, I'll tell you. Naquachria is exchremely explosive. It's about a hunchred times more powerful than the Tau'ri's atomic bomb.

*an hour later*

ANUBIS has a decidedly happy Goa'uld appirition look on his "face."